Your Daily Slice

Av 24

Your Household

“A congregation leader must … manage his own household well, having children who obey him with all proper respect.” (1Tim 3:2, 4 CJB)

All ministry begins at home, with the members of one’s own family.  If we are not successful at revealing the light and love of our Father to those who are part of our inner circle, what makes us believe that we would be successful with folks who are mere acquaintances, or do not even know us at all?  If we are not able to teach our children the fundamentals of Torah, why would we even consider teaching those who are outside of our sphere?

For those of us who did not come into Torah until after our children were raised, and had already left home, this is especially heartbreaking.  As parents, I believe we can all say that we have made mistakes when it came to raising our children, yes, all of us.  Wrong decisions, wrong choices, and they all had repercussions that many of us are still dealing with.  These, brethren, are the wounds that will never heal, for it is those ones that we love the most that also have the greatest ability to do us harm.  And if we had only known – and understood – the parenting instructions written down for us throughout the pages of Torah, so much would have been different.

What I want to focus on in our opening verse is ‘the children obey with all proper respect’.  First, please note that there is no age limit as to how long children remain children.  My husband and I have children that are in their forties – but they are still our children.  Being a parent is not a position that one retires from; it is continuous, no matter the age.

The second thing I want to highlight is the ‘proper respect’.  All of us are familiar with the instructions from the Ten Words (Ten Commandments) that tell us to “Respect your father and your mother, so that your days are prolonged upon the soil which יהוה your Elohim is giving you” (Ex 20:12), an admonition that the Apostle Paul echoes in Eph 6:2-3.  Something that was pointed out to me recently is that nowhere within the Scriptures of our Elohim does it say that we are to honor, respect and esteem our children. We are to train them up in Torah, which is the way they should go (Pro 22:6), and we are to discipline them when necessary (Pro 13:1, 24).  We are never to deliberately provoke them, making them angry and resentful, and yet all the while we are still training and teaching them in preparation for adulthood (Eph 6:4).

Respect for a parent is never something that should be earned; it is commanded.  A parent should never be in the position where they have to act a certain way, say certain things (or not say some things that might need to be said) in order to be accepted and respected.  This is nothing but manipulation and control, and it is not according to Torah.  Do we demand that our Abba Father act a certain way before we might give Him our respect?  Of course not, He is our Father, and we respect Him for who He is.  So it should also be with the respect given by children to their earthly parents; however, it is up to the parents to teach their children how to do so.

Now we come to the third point: obedience.  If we do not teach our children how to accept and obey our instructions, all the while with respect, then how will they ever learn to obey the One who formed them?  Obedience is the key to everything; when we obey, we reap the blessings, and when we disobey, we will end up reaping a harvest from that too.  It is in the home that children should learn the importance of the parent/child relationship, carrying them over to their relationship with their Elohim.  If a child has never been taught the necessity of being obedient, is this child then headed to a life of criminal activity?  How would they know the necessity of obeying the laws of the land if they are not first taught obedience in the home?  How will they learn obedience to Elohim, and His Torah,  if it is not being lived, and taught, in the home?

Please, folks, do not misunderstand me.  I know and recognize that there are those of you out there that have come from extremely abusive homes; this is not what I am addressing here.  If that is the situation that you are currently in, or know of such taking place, please, report it, and get out of it.  Our children are the future, and we need to protect them now, before it is too late.

As I close this, I would direct our attention again to the opening verses.  We have been examining the qualifications of congregational leaders, and what we are to look for in every leader we acknowledge.  The home life of a potential leader must be above reproach.  I would venture to say that the wife should be the queen of the home, and children should be polite and well mannered, without showing any signs of fear or repression.  If a man –or woman – is ministering Torah effectively within the confines of the home, the children should be well balanced, obedient, and showing respect to others.  It is that household leader that is a potential candidate for leadership.

“For I have known him, so that he commands his children and his household after him, to guard the way of יהוה, to do righteousness and right-ruling, so that יהוה brings to Aḇraham what He has spoken to him.” (Gen 18:19 ISR)

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